Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Mom said you looked used
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize