on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
