ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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