I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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