super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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