She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
