Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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