How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
