i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
