it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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