She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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