I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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