Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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