meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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