Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
