god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
