i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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