Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
