i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
