i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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