ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
