I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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