handjob tips. give me some.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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