when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
