I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
