I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just gift wrapped bread.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
