I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
