my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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