Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
