I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
