In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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