you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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