does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
