Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
