its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
