my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize