Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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