Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
