The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
