you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
