i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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