YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
