well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My pussy is not your playground.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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