Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My life is pants optional.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
