Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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