oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
