why didn't you poke me back
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
