i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
