I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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