I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
