lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
