So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
