Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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