were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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