guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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