Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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