Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
