im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
