I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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