No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize