I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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