i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
