she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
