I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
