Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize