five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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