This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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