I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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