Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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