I heard we made out
Who did Billy Mays play for?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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