am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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