Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just threw up on my dentist
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
