I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it's like iHOP with fire
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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