wat bout pragnant strippers??
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
