Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
