Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
