I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
