when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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