WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
