So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
