Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
