Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize