If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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