I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
