just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize