ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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