Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
