If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
