I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize