p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
