you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
