I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
