I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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