dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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