Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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