No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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