her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
