Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
