I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Drunk is not a location!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
