are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
