Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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