Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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